


Lost in Memories

by TalkativeChibiko



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2018-10-02 04:24:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10209542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalkativeChibiko/pseuds/TalkativeChibiko
Summary: While they invoked the Memory Demon, Jace and Izzy find out someone messed up with their memories. Who is this blue eyes boy that looks so familiar ?





	1. Mysterious Loved One

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: mention of suicidal thoughts that could be triggering. Don’t read if you don't feel of you don't feel safe doing so. I will put a small summary in the notes of second chapter for you.

# 

‘The only way to recover Clary’s memories is to summon the memory demon. This is a bad idea.’ Magnus said while pacing in his lair. The Circle had attacked him and his people. There would be hell to pay. Needless to say, he was in terrible mood.

‘Please, do it Magnus. I need to know who I truly am to save my mother. Please.’ Clary begged him. The warlock sighed, the girl had nothing to do with the attack. He couldn’t let an innocent lose her mother without doing nothing.

Reluctantly Magnus agreed to summon the demon. He prepared everything they would need and drew a large circle with a white chalk on his living-room floor. He placed the ingredients in the center of the circle and memorised quickly the spell to invoke the Demon.

‘Give me your hand, sweet Isabelle. The Memory Demon will ask all of you for a memory you hold close to your heart. Don’t fight him. You have to give in. But remember, whatever happens, don’t let go.’

 

\---

 

‘Who the hell is this ?’ Jace shouted, looking both angry and confused. He struggled against the power of the Memory Demon. It was supposed to take a dear memory but all Jace had given him was the image of a young teen with dark hair, bright blue eyes and a shy smile. One he didn’t know.

Izzy started to smirk, thinking her brother was hiding an embarrassing secret, but not for long as the same boy appeared in her own memory. Surprised she let go of her brother’s hand and broke the circle. 

‘Izzy no !’ Magnus yelled before he was thrown across the room and hit the wall. The shock made him dizzy and he pained to stand up.

The Memory Demon went straight for him but Jace ran in front of him and Clary killed it before it could do any damage. 

 

‘Are you okay Magnus ?’ The new Shadowhunter asked him. He nodded quickly and got up to help Izzy back on her own feet. She looked distressed.

‘Magnus… That boy.. We don't know him. How could we both see him ? We should have seen each other or Max. Even Meliorn ! W-Why him ?’ Her voice was shaking, troubling by the sight of the blue eyes. They felt so… familiar. Like she had known them forever.

‘My best guess is this was a true memory someone erased from both of your memories. And seeing he was your most cherished memory they must have erased a good part of your memories.’

‘He had runes. I saw the deflect one on his neck and several others on his arms. He was barely 15, he must have been strong to have this many runes…’

‘Then… what happened to him so he was hidden from you guys ?’

 

\--- 

 

**_7 years ago_ **

 

_ He was sitting there. Directly on the grass in front of Raziel waiting for his death. The little church here was closed at night so he had no other choice than to wait where he would be resting in the end, the cemetery. He knew he would have no Shadowhunter ceremony but he hoped the villagers who would find him would bury him here with his Angel. _

_ He was cold, so hungry he didn't even felt it anymore and incredibly thirsty but it didn’t matter anymore. He was tired. Tired of being rejected. Tired of hurting. Tired of pushing himself with no result. It had to stop. Tonight he would let the snow take him away. He closed his eyes for the last time. _

 

_ ‘What are you doing here young Shadowhunter ?’ A deep voice resonated in the cemetery. Alec turned back slowly. He didn't have nor the energy nor the will to fight anyway. The voice came from a tall and broad man behind him. A vampire thought Alec as he noticed the fangs shining under the moonlight. Maybe his death would not be caused by the cold then. _

_ ‘I am no Shadowhunter anymore. I am not anything.’ He replied. _

_ ‘Nephilim never quit being Nephilim. What happened to you to cause you this much hurt ?’ _

_ ‘The Clave doesn't like gay toy soldiers.’ _

_ ‘I see. So what are you doing here?’ _

_ ‘Really ? What do you think I’m doing Vampire ?’ _

_ ‘I had hoped for another answer. You Nephilim live for the duty. This isn't right. Come boy, live for yourself now.’  _

_ Alec looked at him. His eyes were honest and gentle. Maybe he was right. Alec never knew what pushed him to follow the vampire that night but he would never regret it. _

 

_ \---  _

 

**_Present_ **

 

Max was confused. He had found a box of old photos of Jace and Izzy, his two older siblings, when they were really young. Barely six and four. He had immediately starting to search for embarrassing photos. He had already seen photos of them this young before, ridiculous ones too, but these ones were different. All of them also pictured a boy who was approximately Jace’s age that he had never seen before. Then again the boy looked familiar. Max felt like he knew those blue eyes but it was impossible since he didn’t know the boy. And his brother and sister had never talked about him either.

 

He went to his mother, Maryse, to ask her about the photo.

‘Mom who is this ?’

Maryse paled and looked shaken for a second.

‘Where did you get that Max ?’

‘In the library…’

‘It is no one important. He died a long time ago. Don't show that to Isabelle and Jonathan. I don't want them to recall bad memories.’

‘Oh.. okay Mom.’ Max left shortly after.

Maryse took back the photo and tore it apart. She threw the pieces into the fire.

‘You are dead. Don’t you dare come back.’ She said to no one as she stared into the fire.

 

\--- 

 

**_7 years ago_ **

 

_ The vampire, Quentin, had taken him to a small village. They had been walking in the woods twenty minutes when Alec saw where he was headed to. A large mansion was hidden there surrounded by flowers and trees. _

_ ‘Where are we ?’ _

_ ‘The children call it the Forest Home.’ _

_ ‘Children ?’ _

_ ‘it is an orphanage, Alec. A foster home for every supernatural child that has been abandoned. It could also be your home now.’ _


	2. The Foster Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the last chapter, Jace, Izzy, Clary and Magnus fought the Memory Demon. The memories Jace and Izzy gave were memories of a young shadowhunter boy with blue eyes they didn't recognised. 7 years ago, Alec was kicked out and rescued by a vampire named Quentin. He led him to an orphanaged to start a new life. Maryse has secrets about a supposedly dead boy.  
> This chapter hasn't been beta-read yet, forgive me for the mistakes !  
> Thank you for all the subscriptions, comments and kudos <3 I didn't expected this much :)

 

‘We need to find him. We have to. I don’t… I...’

‘I know Izzy. Calm down, sis’. We will. We will.’ She had been saying that over and over again for the ten past minutes. Jace had been trying to calm her down but to no avail. She didn’t seem to snap out of it.

‘Wait, here Izzy, drink this.’ Magnus ordered her gently as he handed her a large glass filled with a bright blue liquid. She took the drink without even asking what was in it.

‘Don’t worry Jace. She is bordering the panic attack. This potion will allow her to come back to us.’

It took her fifteen more minutes to be herself again.

‘I’m sorry guys, I don’t know what took me.’

‘The Memory Demon can took your memories but not your emotions regarding them. The fact that you were this distressed when you saw that boy means that you were when you last thought of him. Either he did something to you that sent you in this state or something really bad happened to him.’

‘But if I thought of him as my dearest person and Jace too, isn’t it more likely that he was the one hurting ?’

‘Not necessarily. If your greatest love betrayed you, would you stop loving him altogether ? No, you would need time to process your feelings. But he could have been erased before you had the time to do so. Now, you must choose. Will you search for him knowing it could cause you great pain ?’

‘Yes.’ Izzy replied. She had never looked this determined before Jace realised as she tied her long dark hair tightly in a ponytail.

‘Jace ?’

‘Yeah. I can’t keep on going on without knowing who he is. Especially if there is the slightest possibility one of our loved one was hurt and then forgotten. We need to do this. For him and for us.’

Magnus seemed proud of the shadowhunter.

‘That, blondie, is the smartest, maybe even the only clever thing you ever said. Alright darlings, come back tomorrow we will try a localisation spell. Meanwhile do not talk about this to anyone. Whoever erased your memories could still be in the Institute.’ He warned them before throwing them out of his lair.

 

***

 

Alec smiled as the little warlocks and vampires copied his moves with an undivided attention. He had been the fighting instructor for the last five years at the Forest Home. He had stayed at the orphanage to help Quentin and the other instructors and caretakers. He liked it there. He had always loved taking care of the children and teaching them. And they liked him as well. At that moment, only five children were old enough to learn fighting with him. Fifteen children were staying but most of them were under four years old and had been saved from dangerous situations or abusive parents by Quentin and the warlock nurse Catarina. 

 

‘Alec, can you come outside please ? Boss needs to talk to you.’ Anna, another warlock in charge of magic lessons, told him as she pushed her violet hair behind her horns.

‘Sure. Take care of the kids for me ?’ He didn’t even waited for her reply before he left for the Director’s office.

 

***

 

The following day, Clary, Jace, Simon and Izzy were at Magnus’ door. The warlock let them come in but he frowned when he saw the mundane boy.

‘What is Sheldon doing here ? I don’t remember inviting him.’

‘Sorry Magnus, he followed me here.’ Clary told him sheepishly.

‘Biscuit, you don’t have to apologise to me. You’re too sweet. Only blondie needs to apologise. Even when he doesn’t do anything.’

‘What ? Why ?’

Magnus completely ignored him and walked into his living room. He snapped his fingers and glowing incense and five pillow chairs appeared. Three of them were closer to one another. He sat in the middle one. 

‘Isabelle, Jace, sit down on both of my sides. You two are somehow related to him. Let’s hope it will be enough to localise him.

 

For two hours Magnus didn’t find anything, each time he felt the boy something led him astray. He doubled his effort, took more energy from both Jace and Izzy and prepare to break down the magic shield that surrounded the boy when he recognised its owner. He gasped and let go out the shadowhunters’ hands in shock.

‘Magnus ? What’s going on ?’

‘Did you find him ?’

‘Is he okay ?’

‘Wow that was so cool !’

They all spoke together but the warlock didn’t pay attention. He never thought he would find  _ her  _ in this situation.

‘Well good news the boy is alive and kicking. Bad news, there is a warlock hiding him.’

‘Is he a prisoner or … ?’ Izzy couldn’t bear to say more.

‘No, I know who the warlock is. She used to be a friend of mine before we fell apart when… when we did. She would never hurt anyone. I don’t know if she will accept to speak to me again but I can’t try to contact her and arrange her meeting.’

‘Thank the angel !’

 

***

 

Alec knocked once on the door. He knew Quentin had heard him before he even reached the door but still. 

‘Come in Alec.’

He walked inside and stilled as he saw a child with dark hair hiding in the corner looking utterly terrified.

‘Quentin ?’

‘I’ll explain later. But right now he doesn’t trust me nor the other supernatural. He is a shadowhunter boy. I think he can sense us somehow and he is scared of us, he wouldn’t let anyone of us come close to him. But you are like him, maybe you can get to him. He needs help.’ He whispered to him.

 

Alec nodded and the vampire left him alone with the boy. He sat in front of him but not too close and made sure some of his runes were visible.

‘What is your name little angel ?’ He asked softly.

The child didn’t reply.

‘I am Alec. I was.. am a shadowhunter just like you, see.’ He continued showing his deflect rune.

‘I… Rafael.’ The boy still seemed to be wary of him but at least he was going somewhere.

‘Nice to meet you Raphael.’

 


	3. Foster Sons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I took this long ! I had lots of things to do. This chapter is pretty short but I wanted to post it to reduce the waiting between the chapter 2 and the next one. I hope you will like it :)

Alec was woken up by a grinding noise. He looked at the door knowing exactly what was happening and saw a young blue child sneak in his bedroom. Max, the 5 years old warlock, had gotten attached to Alec as soon as he met him. Everyone in the orphanage said they were acting like father and son. And honestly the only reason Alec hadn't adopted him was because he was still planning to stay in the Forest Home and he didn't want to make the other children feel less loved. He did love them all but Max was special. Alec had been here to feed him when he was barely a few days old, he had been here for his first step, his first class, his first time doing magic. Max was his son in his heart if not legally. He lifted the covers to let the boy in and cuddled him against his chest.

“What’s wrong Max ?”  
“I had a nightmare. The bad man was here again.”  
Alec sighed. The last two years the Forest Home was often attacked by rogue shadowhunters. They tried to kidnap the children and seemed to focus on the warlock ones. Max had nearly been one of their victim a few months ago. If Alec hadn’t been here to slay the kidnapper they would have lost the young warlock to them. 

He was in the verge of falling back asleep when a scream startled him. He got up quickly and ran towards its source. It came from the boys’ dorm. Alec entered the room, several boys were around one bed trying to calm down its occupant. He approached and saw Rafael trashing out. His eyes were screwed shut. Alec put his hand on the boy sweaty forehead.   
‘No !’   
‘Shh.. Rafael wake up sweetie. You’re safe here. I will protect you. Shh.’   
Teary eyes opened and looked at him. His threw his arms around the older and hold him tightly burrowing his head in his neck.  
‘Go back to sleep boys.’ They all went back to their beds.  
A small hand gripped his wrist.  
‘He can come to sleep with us. Then the nightmares will be gone.’  
The young blue warlock had followed him to the dorm.  
‘Yeah you’re right Max. Will you come back with us Rafael ?’  
The boy just nodded and let Alec carry him to his bedroom.

***

Catarina didn't know what to do. It had been so long since he had last contacted her. She still remember how they had thrown the worst things at each other. Their friendship had been broken forever. Or that was what she thought. But now watching the message from Magnus playing in her fireplace, reading his apologies for how he had hurt her, for how he had disbelieved her when she tried to warn him about Camille cheating on him.  
She remembered the hurt she felt when he accused her of being so jealous she would do anything to prevent him from having the perfect relationship he had with the woman he loved. But she also recalled all the horrible things she said to him out of anger.

Maybe it was time for them to forgive and forget. At the end of his message Magnus asked her if they could meet and talk. He was searching for someone when he felt her magic. Someone she protected. She replied positively. She felt excitement run up her spine at the thought of rebuilding her friendship with the other warlock. Even with the painful way they had parted, she also remembered the wonderful moments they had spent before. Maybe their friendship wasn’t completely lost forever.

***

Magnus nearly broke down into tears when he received Catarina’s reply. He couldn’t believe she was giving him another shot. He knew it was good for the Lightwoods too because she may be able to give them some information but he didn’t care. All he felt right now was excitement at the idea of meeting up with Catarina again like old times. He had missed her all the years but had never tried to contact her in fear of rejection. It was stupid he realised now. He sent a quick text to Isabelle to let her know of the meeting and inform her they weren’t invited. The last thing he wanted was to make Catarina suspicious by coming with Shadowhunters working for the Clave. 

He smiled happily. Two more days and he would see the blue skinned warlock again.


	4. Catarina meets Magnus

 

“Why are you crying Magnus ?” A shy voice asked behind his back. The warlock turned around, his little girl was on the doorstep in her bright pink nightgown. She looked worried about him.

“Because I am happy, sweetie. Did I wake you up Madzie ?”

“No, I was thirsty and then I heard you cry.”

“I’m sorry. But I promise I am not sad. A dear friend of mine that I thought I had lost years ago but she agreed to talk to me again.”

“Why wasn’t she your friend anymore ?”

“I… hurt her really badly.”

“You did something bad ? But Magnus, you are always kind and you don’t hurt your friends. You told me.”

“I did at that time. I let myself be blinded by a really mean woman. She tricked me and I was stupid enough to trust her. I didn’t believe my friend when she tried to help me. I regret it very much. Don’t do the same mistakes that I did Madzie.” He knew this conversation was a bit too mature for her but she had seen too much already to be treated like a little child. She looked at him a minute and nodded slowly.

 

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He said and took her hand to lead her back to her bedroom. He tucked her in like he did every night. At first it was because he needed the reassurance she was here, safe and sound, with him and she liked having him taking care of her. She never had a parent before. She liked her Nana but she wasn’t never the maternal type. Now it had become a night ritual for both of them.

“Can you read me a story ?”

“Of course, sweetheart what should I tell you about… Did I ever tell you how I met the best blue warlock ever ?”

Madzie shook her head and settled down in her bed.

“Well, a long time ago…”

 

***

 

Catarina wriggled her hands nervously.  _ Decades  _ had passed since she last saw him. A part of her was scared to meet him again. What if he wasn’t the same Magnus she had befriended a long time ago ? What if he was still the terrible man Camille had made him be ?

She shook her head as if she tried to shake away these thoughts. She had heard him. He had apologised. The man she had left behind wouldn’t have done this. She was sure the old Magnus was back. Well, she hoped he was.

_ One more minute.  _ Right on time, a portal opened in the small clearing she chose for the meeting. It was where they met for the first time.

The warlock’s outfit was simple for once. None of the extravagant or magnificent clothes he had got her used to back then. Only black leather pants topped by a long cobalt coat and adorned with silver jewellery. His eyes locked with hers and her breath caught in her throat. They were just as gentle as she remembered. But she could see a worried look in them. So she just approached him and hugged him tightly.

“I missed you.” She whispered in his ear. Magnus also wrapped his arms around her and indulged in the moment.

“Me too Cat’.” His voice was shaking in relief.

 

They held each other a bit more. 

“How have you been all these years ?” 

“Good. You were right about Camille. At some point, I realised it and it was suddenly all too much so I left. It took me decades before finding myself again. But I am good now. What about you ?”

“I traveled around the globe after our fight and I met friends that I really care about. They are my family now.”

Magnus nodded, even though the words hurt him. He  _ had been  _ her family too but now… Could they really go back to being that close again ?

“So who are you trying to find ?” Catarina asked him.

“Right. Uh. Let’s sit down, okay ? There is this.. group of young shadowhunters I have been helping. They’re different from their peers. They actually  _ want  _ to protect everyone including downworlders. Last week, I had to summon a memory demon and basically this boy, the one I am looking for, appeared in the memories of two of them. The demon asked for cherished memories Catarina. They  _ have _ to know him and yet… They can’t even remember his name. It is like they’ve never seen him. So they asked me to look it up. They want the truth on what happened to him, to them.”

“And you felt my own magic while searching ?”

“Yes. You must be protecting the boy, Catarina.”

“I am protecting a lot of people Magnus. Since we parted, I left the hospital. I am working in an orphanage for supernatural kids.”

“He is a shadowhunter. I don’t know how old he is but he should be at least more than 12. Maybe around twenty years old if he is the same age as the two others. Dark brown hair, blue eyes with a rune on his neck. Does it ring a bell ?”

“Yeah. Alec. Is it him ?” She asked, showing him a picture of the young man she took with her phone last Christmas.

“Wow. He certainly grew up well. But yeah, it’s him. I am sure of it.”

“Alec is a really sweet young man. He is amazing with the kids. I have known him since he joined the orphanage when he was barely thirteen. Magnus, Alec never talks about his family and his past. Only Quentin, the head of the orphanage, knows the whole story but from what I gathered it is pretty bad.”

Magnus nodded.

“Still. Can you talk to him ? See if he is willing to meet them ? Izzy and Jace I mean.”

“I don’t know, Mags… I will talk to him, okay ? But don’t get your hopes up.”

“Thank you Catarina.”

“I need to go now.”

“Can I… Can I have your number ?”

“Of course.” The female warlock answered with her warm smile.

_ Maybe they could go back to the way they were. _


	5. Childhood Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait ! Here is the new chapter :)

Catarina knocked lightly on Alec’s office door.  
“Come in !” The young man answered.  
“Hey Alec, can I talk to you ? About a private matter ?”  
“Huh ? Sure, sit. Just.. let me put that away in a minute, I am almost done.” He replied as he finished a report.  
“Alright. What can I do for you Cat ?”  
“Well, I met an old friend yesterday. Magnus Bane, he is the High Warlock of Brooklyn.”  
Alec shifted uncomfortably on his seat. He felt cold sweat slide down his back.  
“Yeah ?”  
“Hum. He knows two shadowhunters called Izzy and Jace.”  
“What does he want ?” Alec cut her off, with a hard look on his face.  
“They’re friends. Magnus just want to help them. They want to meet you. I know you don’t talk about…”  
He stood abruptly, furious, and yelled:  
“Meet me ? What kind of joke is that ? They know me well and yet they never bothered looking for me ! Why now ? What do they want ? Or should I say need ?”   
Catarina startled, Alec never lost his temper this quickly.  
“Alec I don’t know what happened but it might be different from what you think. Magnus said their memories of you were hidden. Nearly completely erased. If they hadn’t summoned a memory demon, they may have never uncover parts of those memories.”  
Alec fell back in his chair. They didn’t remember him ? All this time, he thought they had forgotten about him on purpose, that they hated him… but no. Their memories… His mother had to be the one who did this to them. He felt anger starting bubbling up in his chest. He couldn’t believe how far she went to banish him from the family. From the shadownhunters’ world.  
“Alec ?”  
“I.. I am sorry Cat. I … I never told you, did I ? About my childhood before the orphanage.”  
“You don’t have to tell me. I will always be by your side whatever you decide.”  
“I know. But… I need you to know. It is time I talk about it.”

Alec led her to the small sitting area in his office and settled in the couch. Catarina sat next to him. He rubbed his eyes before sighing loudly. He didn’t look at her. He focused on the wall before him as if he didn’t want to meet her own eyes.  
“My biological parents are Maryse and Robert Lightwood. They run the New York Institute.”  
The warlock didn’t say anything but she knew his parents. She had always despised them. They were the worst. They acted as all downworlders were inferior, evil beings that were only good to be used or hunted.  
“I am their eldest child, I was supposed to take over. But there is one thing Maryse and Robert hate more than downworlders. Shadowhunters that don’t fit in their vision of the perfect straight and obedient soldier. I made the mistake of thinking I could be myself and stay there. So I came out to my mother. I thought she would understand. I never thought she would be so… homophobic and selfish, enough to throw me like garbage because I was gay. She couldn’t let me smear their name. She couldn’t let the Clave and their Shadowhunters friends know about me. So she discarded me.”  
Catarina rubbed his back gently but let him continue without saying anything.  
“I have three siblings. Jace, Isabelle and Max. You know I wanted to ask Jace to be my parabatai. He may not be my brother in blood but since we had taken him in, we were inseparable. True brothers. And I couldn’t even say goodbye.”  
“Why ?”  
“Maryse threatened me. She said if I tried to talk with my siblings, she would kick out Jace and send Izzy to a convent in Idris. I knew it would destroy them. I couldn’t let Jace lose another family, nor I could let Izzy lose her cherished freedom. And I couldn’t let Max lose all his brothers and sisters at the same time. So I left.” His voice broke on the last words. His eyes were filled with tears.  
The warlock took him in her arms and stroked his hair.  
“Shh… I am here Alec. And they can be there too now. And whatever your mother said, don’t believe it. You are one of the most wonderful person I have the chance to know. ”  
“All these years… I waited for them to look for me. But they never did, I thought they hated me too. I should have known Maryse would do something like this. She fucking erased their memories of me ! I… I really want to see them but I can’t. She will act on her threat.”  
“Alec. They already know something is going on. Jace and Izzy grew up, they can make their own choices now. I will let Magnus know about Maryse but I am certain they will still want to meet you. Are you ready to see them ? To fight against Maryse to get back your family ?”  
Alec breathed deeply. When he looked up, she saw the determination shine in his eyes.  
“Yes. I am ready now.” 

 

***

Later that night, Alec laid in his bed with Max and Rafael curled up against him. He couldn’t sleep. The excitement to see Jace, Izzy and maybe Max was too great. He couldn’t wait.   
Maybe… Maybe he would get back his family for real. And give Max and Rafe a family too. He smiled as he realised he already considered the young shadowhunter as his other son. For the first time in years, he felt truly hopeful about his and his loved ones’ future.


End file.
